I like to think of myself as funny. I'm a writer, a teacher, a stand-up guy who does his comedy just about anywhere. I like going into the bakeries on Arthur Avenue in the Bronx and asking if the bread is fresh. I also enjoy listening to people, which is like watching paint dry except much more painful. Whenever I give blood, the Red Cross workers tell me I have nice veins, which I take great pride in. People seem to be genuinely insulted when I tell them I don't cook. Sometimes I make things up, but there's only so much you can do with hummus. I avoid people who claim to have been abducted by aliens and want to show me their biopsy marks. Well, unless they're really attractive.